Home Lifestyle Psychologists Say That Arguing Doesn’t Indicate an Unhealthy Relationship

Psychologists Say That Arguing Doesn’t Indicate an Unhealthy Relationship


No one loves arguing, especially with their partner. Every couple wants to live in peace without arguing, yet there are factors out of our control which don’t allow it. It’s not about how much you love your partner – one way or another, you’re going to argue later at some point in your relationship.

Fighting in a relationship is often seen in a negative light, but as a matter of fact, it’s not as bad as we think. In some situations, it’s a healthy way of fixing problems, but only if done in the right way.

Scientists Believe That Couples Who Argue Love Each Other More

According to Dr. Stephanie Sarkis, a National Certified Counselor, arguing is a healthy way of showing a sense of individuality. When couples argue, it shows that partners are ready to discuss what’s at stake and share their opinions on the matter. Dr. Sarkis has worked with many couples during her career, and from her experience, those who don’t argue at all have a shaky relationship compared to couples that argue.

Recent surveys suggest that nearly half of all married people think that arguing can help resolve numerous problems and lead to a healthy relationship. Furthermore, couples who argue have been found to have a 10 times higher chance of being in a healthy relationship.

Of course, we’re in no way saying that you should scream at your partner from the top of your lungs every day. Fighting just for the sake of it can ruin a relationship, but if done in the right way, it could be very productive.

What’s the Difference Between Arguing and Fighting?

The differences between arguing and fighting are pretty big. Disagreement often leads to frustration and anger which can lead to a negative outcome. If you’re focused on winning the fight, you lose control of yourself, plan to hurt the other person, and you try to convince them you’re right, you’re arguing the wrong way. This is an example of an unproductive mess of a fight which surely won’t end well.

A good fight will have both parties focused on finding a solution and expressing their thoughts. Both partners have to be willing to listen to themselves and talk with a peaceful tone. All of this can lead to finding a peaceful solution or a win-win for both sides.

Why Arguing Indicates a Strong Relationship

Although it still sounds counterproductive, arguing does indicate a stronger relationship.

Here’s why:

It Improves Communication

If you argue the right way, express your thoughts and listen to what your partner has to say, you’re improving your communication. Instead of bottling up emotions and exploding, arguing the right way could save your relationship. Just keep a cool head and stay focused on positive thinking. Argue productively and you will be able to find a common language between you and your partner.

Higher Commitment

If you’re not interested in arguing, you’re not interested in finding solutions to your problems. Some people are happy to live in a dysfunctional relationship rather than argue productively and solve their problems. If you’re willing to talk to your partner and focus on finding what’s best for the situation at hand, you’re showing a high commitment to fix things. That’s very important for a relationship to thrive.

You’re Showing Maturity

Productive arguing is a big sign that you’ve matured. Only mature people can argue with their voice down and a cool head. It means you’re all grown up now and ready to deal with any challenge.

Less Resentment

When you argue in productively, there’s really no chance to harbor resentment. You’re putting things out in the open quickly and give resentment no chance to develop.

You Get Better at Compromise

When you learn how to argue the right way, you’ll also learn how to get better at compromise. This will lead you on a path to self-improvement and you’ll become a better person.

How to Argue the Right Way

To argue the right way, you’ll have to pick the timing right first. Whenever a problem comes up, don’t wait for a month to bring it up. Instead, talk about it as soon as you can. Of course, if the conditions aren’t right you shouldn’t just push it. Pick the right moment and your fight will be productive. It’s all about timing.

When you argue, you’ll need to take things slowly and take turns. Remember to stick to the topic – fights can often go awry if you forget about the important thing. Keep an open mind and listen to your partner – it’s the only way for the fight to be productive. Don’t try to hurt them and don’t raise your voice. If emotions are running high, it’s best to take a break.

Fights are a part of every relationship and they’re not a sign of an unhealthy union. If done the right way and as a team, they can help you overcome everything.